Things my momma taught me(a little tribute)

I know, I know, don't faint that I'm doing 2 posts in one day. Actually wanted to do this one last year, but just wasn't in the place to do it. And I didn't really ever call her momma, it was always Mom, Mommy, or as I got older & if I was annoyed with her it was Mother(spoken with an attitude & heaviness on the ther). But my girls call me momma, so thus the title.

Probably first & foremost, my mom pounded into my head & heart that "God always provides." Seeing as how we are still among the unemployed, this is truly a good thing to know & have heart knowledge of, not just head knowledge. She taught me the principles of giving (and receiving, but I'm not always a gracious receiver). She taught me honesty and integrity. She taught me that if I'm going to do things to do my very best, do it right the first time & you won't have to do it over again. And she taught me that can't never did anything. Huh? you may be saying. If you say you can't do something you are right- you can't & you will never do anything in life if you continue to say "I can't do____."
She told me that wait broke the wagon down & makes it too hard to carry. No that isn't a typo- she wasn't talking about weight, but when I was little & would say "wait, mommy, wait!"
As a teenager & young adult in my early 20's, my mom and I had open and honest conversations about sex. My mom knew I tried many things(sex, drugs & rock n' roll) after the fact and she didn't necessarily condone them, but she loved me none the less.
She almost always let me sit in her lap; even well into my 20's. I remember I had gotten one of the Beatrix Potter books at the gas station & I sat in her lap & she read it to me. She was the coolest mom. I remember when I turned 21 & she took me out for my 1st "official" drink. But she didn't want me to drink & drive & so when I went out for my 25th b-day & was too drunk to drive, she came & picked me up.

We didn't always have the best relationship. I remember shortly after my folks got divorced and I must not have been too happy with the rules at our house. I wrote her a letter telling her I wanted a divorce too. She kept that letter in her wallet, I think until the day she died. I remember when I realized that going to church wasn't just something we did on Sundays, but it was about a personal relationship with Jesus Christ; I said some not very nice things about my parents and how they had raised me in "religion" and not taught me anything. I later realized that what they did teach me gave me the foundation I have today. I remember her not being very happy with me when I told her I wanted to be baptized again, because it was a choice my parents had made for me. It wasn't a very good conversation & shortly after that conversation she thought I had joined a cult. Thankfully, she realized that I hadn't joined a cult & we repaired our relationship.

I hope I can be as good a mom to my girls, as my mother was for me. Miss you lots, Lucy!

The worst year of my life

This is a picture of my mom & my oldest daughter Rachel exactly a week before she passed away. This woman doesn't even look sick does she???? My mom fought a brave fight against her illness. I truly am glad she isn't suffering any more. Today has been surreal? -not sure that is the word I'm looking for, but for the moment it works. I haven't been overly weepy missing her today. Tried to keep myself busy so I didn't have time to really think about it. But this morning I was definitely thinking about it. Recounting in my mind exactly what was going on that day a year ago. My sister-in-law called me about 4 am that day. They had re-admitted my mom to the hospital on Monday. When I talked to my s-i-l on that Monday I asked her if she thought I needed to come back up. She said no, we'll call you if/when that happens.
My husband & I got up & threw stuff in the van & were on the road by 5 am. Now, I need to tell you how my husband drives- like a grandpa! If you get him talking in a conversation he'll slow down to about 60 on the freeway. So to my amazement & admiration he was doing 80-90 on the freeway that morning in hopes we could make the 6 hour drive to the hospital before my mom actually passed away. In fact it was totally the Lord that we didn't get pulled over on the Mass Pike. We were in the high speed lane, he was doing about 85. All of the sudden a car comes up behind us & flashes their high beams at us to move over & get out of the way. He pulls over as soon as he can & much to our surprise a state highway patrol vehicle speeds by us.
I got to talk to my mom on the phone during the trip & tell her I loved her; that I didn't want her to suffer any more & we were on our way, but if she couldn't hang on until we got there it would be okay & I understood. We were about an hour/ hour & 1/2 tops away from the hospital when my brother called me & told me she was gone. They said they'd wait for us at the hospital so I could see her one last time. When I walked in that hospital room, she looked so peaceful. And the most important part was she was no longer in pain.
After we took care of all the stuff at the hospital we went & ate lunch at a Wendy's, then my husband & I went & picked up the girls' 2 year old pictures that my mom & I had just had taken a week & a half ago at JCPenney's.
It is still hard to believe she's gone. She was the one person that I could call at 10 or 11 at night & talk to & she never cared.
My mom was a truly amazing woman. Very strong & independent, a survivor. She taught me so many things, I don't think I could even begin to list them all here. Don't get me wrong we had our ups & downs. Not too long after my parents got divorced, we must've gotten into a knock down drag out fight; because I wrote her a letter telling her I wanted a divorce from her too! She kept that letter for years in her wallet.
I happened to be living at home for my 25th birthday. She told me not to drink & drive & that no matter what time it was or where I was to call her & she'd come get me. She did! The next day my brother & sis-in-law & my 2 young nephews came into town to visit. I was sooo hung over, but we all went & picked up my car & went to COSI in Columbus.(COSI stands for center of science & industry)
She was one of those mean moms- always needing to know where I was, when I'd be home, who was going to be there for chaperones, who was going to be at the event, etc.
She instilled values & morals in me. She (& my father) gave me my foundation for my faith. But even that wasn't always an easy walk. When I got saved I wanted to get re-baptized. She would have liked to have a cow, thought I was in a cult, didn't understand why I needed to do that as I had been baptized when I was a baby. Then when I moved to RI to go to bible college & I totally knew it was the Lord, she was furious at me that I gave up my massage therapy career that I'd just spent the last few years building up.
She tried to teach me how to sew. But that was something I have NEVER had a desire to learn. Okay, maybe minutely, but that has just been recently. She was an awesome cook & an even better baker; but knew others were also as good if not better than her. I never liked her meatloaf, but I do like my aunt's.
I could talk to her about anything- yep, sex included. She didn't always approve of my lifestyle(then again I'm not too proud of parts of my past)but I knew I always had her support.
She was a proud woman, but not too proud to accept help. The things that woman taught me! I knew I'd miss her when she was gone, but I didn't think I would miss her this much.
If I could be half the mother to my girls that she was to me, I'll be doing okay.
Mom, I miss you. Can't wait to see you someday.

random thoughts

One year ago this past Saturday, March 29th, was the last time I saw my mom alive. My sis-in-law keeps telling me to stop dwelling in the past. I try not to, but I really miss talking to my mom. I miss asking her questions about the girls, like did I do this or that, or telling her what they are up to these days. My girls turned 3 this past Wednesday, on my 3rd b-day we were camping in Tenn. & my mom ended up in the hospital having gall bladder surgery. Can I just tell you, that when we were cleaning out her house, she still had her gall stones saved in a jar!?!
I use to(still do?)talk in my sleep, my daughters have started this, I'm not exactly sure how to deal with this, as I keep wondering if something is wrong with them; especially since they've been sick of late & are still a bit under the weather. Speaking of sick: the girls had their 3 year check ups on Friday. They were both running temps of 101 at that time. The good news? The dr. said it was just viral, they had to ride it out, give them ibuprofen for the fever. She doesn't have to live with them being fussy, whiny & clingy. As far as the check up went, they are doing well. Weight wise they are in the 75th percentile & height wise there is 1/2 inch separating them which puts them in the 45th & 25th percentile respectively. I absolutely love my pediatrician. She is a mom of triplets, so she understands the multiple thing & she is incredibly attentive when you are there, addressing all of your concerns/questions.
So a little over a week ago on my bff Renae's b-day, the 1st day of spring arrived. And while the sun seems to be shining a bit more these days, I know it is here because my friends' crocus' are blooming! :) And I've been seeing a lot more motorcycles out on the road. In fact the hubs is very anxious to get our bike back on the road. If anyone out there in blogger land is feeling incredibly generous & wants to donate an additional motorcycle to our cause, please feel free to leave a comment w/contact info. I don't enjoy riding by myself, but with only 1 bike that is all we can do for now. And I don't have any female friends to go riding with. Oh yeah, & the other reason I know spring is here? Baseball, pre-season has started. Yes, folks it is Red Sox time again. Sing it with me: "Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd....." The husband actually taught the girls how to sing that song. It is too stinking cute to watch. Maybe I'll get a video of it & figure out how to post it.(don't hold your breath.)
I know I had other things I wanted to write about, but my mind is falling asleep.
G'night.

mom

It is 6 months ago today, that my hero & one of my best friends passed away. -my mom
It has been a long six months as far as missing her; yet it seems like it was just yesterday. This is the best & most recent photo I could find of my mom with my girls. L-R Rachel, mom, Emily
This was at Thanksgiving last year. She was actually feeling pretty good at this time & we took a walk up to her mailbox to get her mail.
I still find it hard to believe she's gone. And knowing that she's in a better place with our Lord Jesus Christ, that her body has been restored & she's not suffering, not being poked & prodded day in & day out; makes it marginally better. But it doesn't take away the pain of missing her. She fought a brave fight against her illness, myelodysplastic syndromes. And if you didn't know her you wouldn't have even thought she was sick. To learn more about this terminal illness go to www.mds-foundation.org.
It is amazing looking back, the things I have learned from my mom. Look for these in a later post, probably mid-December if/when I do a birthday tribute to her.
For now, I'll just sign off- I miss you, mom.